Thoughts of the Month: The Single Phobia

So this is a very different post for me; it is far more personal than anything I’ve put on That New Dress but it’s something I really want to talk about and get other people’s opinions on.  It is no secret I am single; it’s in my “About Me” section, so it is probably one the first things you read on this blog!  You may also have seen my loose description of “twenty something”, well if I’m totally honest I’m 26.  So here is my problem, according to many of my contemporaries being 26 and single is a rather sorry state of affairs.

Without boring you with my life story I had been involved with a boy for far too long, probably near 4 and a half years of back and forth.  There was some wonderful moments but there were even more heart wrenching, tear shedding and soul destroying moments.  The reality of the situation remains he never loved me as much I did him and we were never going to be right for each other no matter how hard I persevered.  So I walked away for the last time and have FINALLY closed that chapter in my life.  It was hard for many reasons but one thing that never bothered me was the fear of being a 26 year old single woman.  Admittedly it is not ideal but it is far better for me to be alone and independent than clinging onto stale, hopeless love.

While the pressure of my friends pairing off, getting married and having babies is certainly felt, it is not suffocating.  So it breaks my heart when I see my girlfriends settling with men who either “just do” or they’re merely “sticking it out” for the fear of being nearly past their peak and single.

I have a particular friend who has been with her man maybe 6 years now.  Over the years I’ve seen him take advantage of her generosity, be mentally and verbally abusive and strip away her self worth.  She reached out to me after he dumped her (again) but from her silence and what I’ve gathered from elsewhere she has gone back to him.  Why?  Because she hates being single.  So it is better to be locked into this torturous relationship than be alone.  Her fear of having to start again at 27 means she will stick it out with him and hope for the best.  I live in hope things will get better but I fear they won’t and it breaks my heart.

Another friend is with a hopeless boy.  I cannot fathom why such a beautiful, talented girl with so much to give is with someone who won’t even get a job.  I don’t want woman to feel being in a relationship defines them, especially when they’re only in there 20s.  We have so many opportunities presented to us that our foremothers fought for and it feels like sometimes we forget to enjoy it.  The world is our oyster so enjoy your career, your freedom and your ability to do anything you dream…. Girls enjoy your twenties, be happy, be strong and never be fearful of independence!

As a side note please let me know your thoughts on this subject and post.  I’d really love some feedback as to whether these rather deep and meaningful blogposts are of any interest!!